Government Installs Ban On Bands Ending In Honey 

Ever since Brexit bore a contemptible crevice into our culture, we have been waiting anxiously as to see what the Conservatives, and principally their long-haired General Theresa May, would do first. 

Would she align with Donald Trump and start leaking Hilary’s MySpace bulletins? Would she remove the teeth of every child in Asia? Or would she kick Scotland out like a moody 18-year-old? Well, she’s finally committed her first action…and it’s not pretty.

In the indie world, where creativity – a fierce foe of May – reigns supreme, future bands have been dealt a cruel blow after an act was approved yesterday banning any more bands forming with the word ‘Honey’ in the title. 

May, an ardent Death Grips fan, said: “We are endanger of there being an unwanted surplus of bands called Honey – now I’m quite partial to Black Honey, as I feel it promotes equality, but since then we’ve had Pale, Palm and Breakneck…we just feel there are too many honeys and not enough bees; there are other condiments to consider.”

It’s a devastating blow to fledgling musician Tez Randley, who’s just enlisted a Facebook page for his band, Ghost Honey Beach Wave. “We felt the Honey suffix was very important, not just to our music but also to our aesthetic,” he said. “But now this law has been passed I guess we’re going to have to think of something else – there were still so many avenues to explore with honey. It’s a blow.”

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